Kids R Cool

( #1)
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pi**ed in its ear and it didn't move,"answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT??" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.

(#2)
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT ? "
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

(#3)
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bit** to iron,"

(#4)
When I was six months pregnant with my third child,my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

(#5)A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bit** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bit** is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the nextday, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to saytwo plus two, that son of a bit** is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."


(#6)
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh**! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.