Kids R Cool

Q: Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A: Rude-olph.

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Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.

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Q: Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
A: Deery Queen.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be a female. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

People often think of The Twelve Days of Christmas as the days preceding the festival. Actually, Christmas is a season of the Christian Year that last for days beginning December 25 and lasting until January 6 - the Day of Epiphany when the church celebrates the revelation of Christ as the light of the world and recalls the journey of the Magi.

From 1558 until 1829 people in England were not allowed to practice their faith openly. During this era someone wrote 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' as a kind of secret catechism that could be sung in public without risk of persecution. The song has two levels of interpretation: "the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of the church." Each element in the carol is a code word for a religious reality.

The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ.

The two turtledoves are the Old and New Testaments.

Three French hens stand for faith, hope and love.

The four calling birds are the four Gospels.

The five gold rings recall the torah (Law) the first five books of the Old Testament.

The six geese a-laying stand for the six days of creation.

Seven swans a-swimming represent the sevenfold gifts of the Spirit.

The eight maids a-milking are the eight beatitudes.12

Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the spirit (Gal.5).

The ten lords a-leaping are the Ten Commandments.

Eleven pipers piping stand for the eleven faithful disciples.

Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the 12 points of belief in the Apostles Creed.

There you have it, the HIDDEN meaning of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and the secret behind the song.

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they -- with amazing calm -- call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men...

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

---Author Unknown

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pi**ed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my a** for da** near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bi***es cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those a**holes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't da** funny
Who the he** ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little sh**s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat a** and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

Author Unknown

A four-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Good Home Habits Taught Early On Have Long-Term Benefits

(ARA) - Rarely does a day go by when negative behavior or violence among today's youth isn't covered in the country's national news reports. More and more parents are coming under fire for their child's actions, although they are equally concerned and confused. What steps can be taken to turn this trend around - to keep semblance in the home and order in the schools? Susan Turben, Ph.D., a nationally recognized Parent Educator and Child Development Specialist, offers several suggestions to parents in raising today's youth.

"Early on, parents need to communicate who's in charge of the household, and that can be done many ways," said Turben. "One such way is to assign responsibilities to children and treat those activities as having real value. Stay away from the word 'chores' - which can give the impression that the activity lacks real work."

"One of the key benefits of establishing responsibility is that children learn very early on that parents and family members want them to help, which happens to be one of the most positive reinforcements they can have at a young age. And by helping, children also learn to cooperate with siblings and other family members - essentially leading to a strong sense of partnership and trust," continued Turben. "This sense of trust also allows for better communication."

If children are taught and entrusted to work with useful and special equipment, such as vacuums or other household appliances, and can complete each task successfully, then the child's confidence is nurtured. This is called multi-sensory learning - or in simple terms - children feel competent to use their motor functions, intellect and social skills, all at the same time.

"Good habits require a lot of training, yet most of children's habits, values and beliefs tend to stem from those of their parents," commented Turben. "Children incorporate these habits by imitating and repeating what their parents do, including the tools and equipment they use. In fact, objects that toddlers see their parents using regularly, often become their chosen play toys."

Understanding the needs of families today have become key elements of consideration in the design and development of new products at many top manufacturers. For example, the overall importance of having lightweight, easy-to-use household tools have become paramount for many families.

"Family time today is more limited than ever before," commented Rick Farone, Dirt Devil's Vice President of Product Development. "And while cleaning is a necessity in every home, people do not want to spend a lot of time on housework. That's why Dirt Devil is so focused on developing upright vacuums and specialty home care products that are powerful, yet easy enough for anyone in the home to use, even children."

"By popular demand from parents and child care providers alike, Dirt Devil also offers toy-sized working replicas of our most popular products. This way kids of all ages can work side-by-side with Mom or Dad and learn to 'help out' with the housework, while also acquiring valuable skills associated with role-playing and responsibility," continued Farone.

In addition, children also develop a sense of value by being given various responsibilities. For example, if a child helps with the vacuuming of carpets and dusting of furniture, he or she will assign a greater value to those items. This generally applies to specific play areas when they're young and transcends to other practical applications around the home or yard as they become young adults.

Tips To Remember In Assigning Responsibilities To Kids

So where does a parent begin, and how should they go about the process of assigning responsibility to their children?

- Make a list, assign tasks and stick to it. Remember that assigning housework establishes a sense of teamwork and participation, especially when the outcome is to go out and have fun afterwards.

- Develop a weekly schedule. For children and parents of all ages, scheduling is imperative so that each person has an active role and a sense of ownership in running the household. A comprehensive schedule is also a great time-saver for working parents.

- Let children help. Even if it is a simple activity, such as making a leafy salad or loading plastic dishes into the dishwasher, encourage children and even toddlers to participate. By doing so, children get a better sense that they are being constructive and helping.

- Remember that there is more than one way to complete a specific task. Observe a measure of flexibility and let children be creative as they work, especially if they offer suggestions.

- Think in terms of "two" sets of devices or tools. Small children benefit from using a like-version (smaller or toy version, if available) of regularly used household devices, tools or appliances, such as a vacuum cleaner, lawn mower or ironing board.

- Work side-by-side. A good work ethic can be easily learned at an early age. Besides, it's a great opportunity to spend time together and get some work done!

- Let children imitate. Allow and encourage children to share in the same experiences and activities with which you may be engaged, even if it's as simple as using the phone or brushing your hair. After all, imitation is an important element in the development process. Parents should see this as a form of flattery - their children want to be just like them!

- Spend more time in or around the home. If children learn to play and work in the home at an early age, they will value "home" as a haven later in life as well.

- Reward a job well done. Remember to acknowledge their good work as a valuable contribution. Catch children being "good," and praise and encourage them often.

"There are many variables to consider when raising children today," concluded Turben. "But with all things considered, a regular routine - assigning household responsibilities and offering encouragement - is a great way for parents to establish consistent family guidelines for work time and play time. This will lead to healthier, happier households."

Courtesy of ARA Content, www.aracontent.com, e-mail: info@aracontent.com

America's booming economy may be good for adults' wallets, but not for kids' piggy banks. According to a recent survey by IHateFinancialPlanning.com, only 43 percent of American adults give their kids an allowance. Surprisingly, 60 percent of those same adults report receiving an allowance as a kid!

Conducted by NFO Research, Inc., the IHateFinancialPlanning.com survey of 1,013 adults, ages 18 - 64, also revealed that 63 percent of kids who do receive a weekly allowance get $5 or more and 36.8 percent receive $2 or less. More than 72 percent of American adults expect their kids to do household chores regardless of whether they receive an allowance or not; 27 percent give an allowance for extra chores, such as mowing the grass or shoveling the driveway and steps.

1. Going out to dinner once a month instead of twice can save at least $500 a year. You know you've been eating out too much lately when your child says "Mom, why is the oven door hot?"

2. Instead of buying expensive bottled water, use a water filtration system such as one from Brita or Pur. It turns your free tap water into the same pure water you're buying at the store. Evian spring water, by comparison, costs $21.19 a gallon. And you thought gasoline is expensive! I'm saving $250 a year.

3.Break the McDonald's / Pizza-Hut / Taco-Bell / Kentucky-Fried Chicken habit. My family was spending over $40 a week, which was over $2,000 a year.

4.If you have a $3.00 a day Starbuck's habit like I did, cut it down to 4 days a week. Save $500 a year.

5.When shopping for the sack lunch or the kid's lunches, those individually packed snacks and drinks look so convenient. Buy juice in bulk and use a thermos. Buy fruit and cheese in bulk, and use your Tupperware. Snack-size chips cost twice as much as filling a plastic bag from a big bag of chips. You get the idea. Save hundreds of dollars a year.

6.Every night, put all the change and dollar bills from your pocket or purse into a change jar (do they still make piggy banks?). Save maybe $1,000 a year.

(ARA) - Almost 80 percent of preschool-aged children never have an eye exam. And many vision screenings in school don't test for common eye diseases. What can you do to help protect your family's eyesight? A regular eye exam -- is a great way to start!
"Many parents think their children's eye exam needs are being covered during school eye checks," said Dr. Michael Cohen, vice president, Professional Services, Sears Optical. "When in fact, those are simply screenings, mainly checking to see if the child can read a chart. That's why it's important to have a doctor of optometry check your child's eyes for other problems, including childhood diseases."

Prevent Blindness America recommends that children have a professional eye exam at six months of age, before entering school (age four or five) and periodically throughout the school years. Certain eye diseases are linked to heredity and should lead to more frequent exams for the family.

"There are certainly ways to determine if your child is having difficulty with their vision," said Dr. Cohen. "For example, they may rub their eyes excessively, shut one eye, hold objects close to their eyes, squint, have red or watery eyes or complain of headaches, dizziness or double vision."

But mom and dad shouldn't be left behind in all this talk about kids - they should have a regular eye exam at least every 18-24 months. According to Dr. Cohen, "Any changes in vision, including, among other things, trouble adjusting to dark rooms, difficulty focusing, difficulty driving at night, double vision, excess tearing, dry eyes or seeing spots, should be reported to your eye doctor."

If you are having trouble seeing or suspect your child might be having trouble seeing, visit www.searsoptical.com or www.preventblindness.org for more information.

Courtesy of ARA, e-mail: info@aracontent.com


EDITOR'S NOTE: For more information contact Schuyler Kidd, 216-348-8520x206, skidd@liggett.com.

Cole National Corporation (NYSE:CNJ) is a one-billion-dollar, Cleveland, Ohio-based company, founded in 1946 by Joseph E. Cole. Cole National is the parent company of Cole Vision, the world's largest optical retailer and the largest chain provider of managed vision care in the United States, with 3,300 locations in the U.S., Canada, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands and Western Europe. They operate retail establishments under the names Sears Optical, Pearle Vision, BJ's Wholesale Club Optical and Target Optical. Cole National Corporation is also the parent company of Things Remembered, the only nationwide chain devoted to "Life's Special Moments" through personalized gifts.

The Danville Kentucky Police Department and the Kentucky State Police canceled the AMBER Alert after the girl was found safe. No further information is available at this time.

Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourth
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?

The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.

Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many
children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.


WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?

If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
· Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
· What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
· Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
· Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.

Tips for parents:
· Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
· Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
· Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
· Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
· Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your
child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately,
this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
· Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
· Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
· Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
· Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
· Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
· Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
· Teach self-respect.
· Give numerous positive comments to your child.
· Avoid labeling or name-calling.
· Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
· Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
· Stress the importance of body language.
· Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
· Teach positive self-talk.
· Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.

Dreams abound in the imaginations of young adults. These dreams of athletic grandeur, Hollywood fame and heroic pursuits are more than fantasies to the hopeful young; they are possibilities. But as the dreamers grow, the negative influences of junior and senior high stifle their dreams and in essence impair the level of success they achieve. They are taught to discard their dreams as foolish and seek practical, ordinary jobs so they can live practical, ordinary lives.

What they are not taught is that dreamers have a duty to fulfill their dreams. They are not taught that they are creatures of infinite potential. They are not taught that if they have the ability to dream a dream, they have the ability to realize that dream. They are not taught that dreamers can be doers and that Dream Doers are unstoppable.

A Dream Doer believes he can do anything he dreams. Then he does it. The secrets to the success of this simple process are faith, courage and action.

First, a Dream Doer believes in himself and in his dreams. Dreams that do not defy the laws of God, of man or of nature should be nurtured, encouraged and fed. This leads to self-confidence. Self-confidence leads to faith, the belief that something not yet seen has already come to pass. As the confidence and faith of a young Dream Doer soars, he finds a way to manifest his dreams.

The second secret of a Dream Doer is courage. Everyone has hopes. Everyone has dreams. Everyone has desires. Hoping for things is easy. Dreaming about places to go is easy. Desiring great success in life is easy. Telling people about them? That's hard. It's hard to tell people because they might not believe. They might laugh. They might even ridicule. A Dream Doer, however, is brave. He believes he can do anything he dreams and therefore has the courage to put it into words no matter what anyone else says, does or believes.

Finally, a Dream Doer takes action. Action is the most important part of the equation and separates ordinary people from extraordinary ones. Dreams are the starting point, but action makes things happen. So a Dream Doer sets a big goal and then does something small toward that goal every single day. He may not succeed all at once, but little by little, he turns his dreams into memories.

Dream Doers imagine success and achieve it. Be a Dream Doer.

Bonnie Jean Schaefer is the author of The Dream Doers and the Summer of Secrets, a young adult mystery e-novel featuring a pair of best friends who believe they can do anything they dream. This book is sold exclusively on the web in serialized fashion and offers free membership to The Dream Doers Club, a growing community of success-oriented young adults. By subscribing to the story, your young Dream Doer will receive the 20-chapter book chapter by chapter through email each week over the course of 15 weeks. To learn more about this book which helps kids ages 8 and up discover the power of possibilities hidden in their dreams, visit http://thedreamdoers.com now.

Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.

First of all there are three very honest realities about childbirth that your doctor, mother, grandmother, and maybe even your best friend will probably not tell you.

1 - Unless you have an exceptionally carefree attitude about life in general, you will be shocked if and when your water breaks.

2 - Unless you have an extraordinary ability to see into the future, you will be scared to death during the first hour or so of labor.

3 - Unless you have an extremely high tolerance for pain, you will feel excruciating, seemingly unending waves of pain.

These simple facts come from personal experience and are not intended to instill unnecessary fear. Each woman's experience is different, so not all details will apply to everyone. But if you take the time to consider options to prepare yourself for that big day, you may benefit by being as ready as anyone can possibly be for the consequences of childbirth.

Believe this much for sure, you will appreciate almost any helpful hints you can remember when you realize you're going into labor. Most pregnant people will find the following recommendations valuable for reducing stress for you and your labor partner on the day you deliver your first baby.

1 - Pack your bag to take to the hospital at least a month in advance. Nobody can positively predict your exact due date and your baby is actually the person who decides when your delivery will occur.

2 - Make a checklist for what you want to take. You should definitely include: a mirror and your makeup bag (believe it or not when you're not staring at that little miracle in your arms, you will want to look at yourself especially when the parade of visitors start marching into your hospital room); two or three nightgowns (preferably comfortable ones that provide optimal coverage of your post-pregnancy physique); a hair brush and hair dryer (every hospital has showers, soap, and towels); an outfit to wear home from the hospital (and don't choose cute little pre-pregnancy clothes because nobody loses the weight they gained in nine months immediately after giving birth and it will only annoy you if you can't fit into the only outfit you have to go home in)

3 - Have a list of phone numbers of the people you can call anytime of the day or night for help. (Don't even try to handle it alone - YOU WILL NEED AND WANT HELP when this exciting, emotional event begins to occur.)

There's several signs that labor has started. Warning signals vary from woman to woman. Some people know what it is the second it hits them, while others may not recognize what's happening for hours. Don't expect the promises or predictions made by medical professionals or even experienced great-grandmothers to actually come true for you.

In most cases some combination of destiny and mother nature determine the details of your long-awaited delivery. Some simple indicators that you're going into labor range from a mild backache to piercing stabs of pain and vary from a feeling of general discomfort to an abrupt release of water.

Follow your instincts. If you don't feel right, but you're not screaming in pain, call your doctor. If something suddenly takes your breath away, makes you feel faint, breaks you down to the floor or wakes you in the middle of the night, forget the doctor, stay as calm as possible and call for whomever can come to help you the fastest.

If your water does break in the stereotypical way, gushing uncontrollably all over the place, don't freak out. Maintain your control as much as humanly possible at this point and realize you cannot stop this rushing release running like a river out of your body. You can keep putting towels between your legs to try to soak it up, but your shorts or sweatpants are still going to get wet.

Don't worry about what other people will think about your dripping drawers when you get to the hospital. You're about to deliver a baby - you're not supposed to look calm, classy, elegant or graceful! Just concentrate on getting to the hospital safely. You may feel like you're in the middle of an earthquake that will surely destroy the entire planet and assume everyone else will realize the urgency of this occasion. But they probably won't react with any alarm because the reality is your world is the only place that has been hit by this tidal wave of emotional trauma.

What to expect when you get to the hospital...

To wait and wait some more; to fill out forms; to find yourself pacing the halls until they assign you to a room; to see other women in similar situations; to be told your doctor has been delayed; to scream at your labor partner when he forgets what to say and what not to say to try to make you feel better; to forget something on your checklist and to deal with the labor pain getting worse before it gets better.

What not to expect when you arrive at the hospital...

Everyone to accommodate you; everything to occur as you planned; any immediate results; everyone to be organized; your labor partner to be perfect; to find friendly faces among the other pregnant people; to hear your doctor tell you to start pushing your little miracle out as soon as he examines you; to get painkillers prescribed in mere minutes; and to be able to remember all the things you learned to try to prepare for this day.

Other Do's and Don'ts:

Do try to maintain your focus. Do try to preserve your precious energy (You will need it especially if you happen to be one of those poor souls whose pregnancy just won't end and your labor lasts for longer than a day or two) Don't hesitate to tell your doctor or nurses exactly how you feel. Don't hesitate to ask any question that pops into your head. Do listen to what your doctor and nurses tell you. Do listen to what your body is saying. Do listen to what you're feeling in your heart. Do listen to what your labor partner is commanding you to do. Don't forget how long you waited for this day to arrive and how special this date will be to you forever. Don't forget how much you want this little baby to arrive healthy and what a blessing this tiny person will always be to you.

And finally trust your gut instincts, your doctor's words of wisdom, your partner's suggestions to soothe you and your ears when you hear the sound of your baby's first cry announcing his official arrival into this world. The rest of this incredible experience will probably proceed with no major problems, following the same intense, phenomenal pattern of the billions of births that occurred before the day of your delivery.

Believe it or not, no matter how much the pains of labor torture your pregnant body or how many hours the process takes before your first baby actually bounces into this world - you will forget about how much your killer contractions hurt and how time seemed to standstill as your labor lasted and lasted and lasted...

Also believe your life will never be the same from this day on. Your new job as a mommy will be the most rewarding, most exhausting, and most challenging career of your life. Nothing in the universe can begin to compete with the passion, love, and wonder you'll experience as you watch this tiny person grow and you feel like he's really your own heart and soul with little arms and legs.

Treasure every moment of the miracle of motherhood.

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more.

It’s that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you nervous? Excited? Confused? It takes teamwork to raise kids. Teachers are part of the team, but sometimes it feels like you’re on opposite sides of the fence. Connecting with teachers can help bring out the best in your kids. Here are twelve tips to make conference time a productive, team building experience.

1. Talk with your child before conferences. Ask: “What’s the best thing and worst thing about school for you right now?” “What would be most helpful for me to know before meeting your teacher?” “How are you feeling about school, and what are you needing?” Listen more than you talk to draw out their thoughts.

2. Identify feelings and needs. Look at the situation with empathy for everyone’s needs, (your child’s, the teacher’s, and your own.) This puts you in a better position to engage cooperation from all parties.

3. Be on time and end on time. You may want to linger to bask in the glory of your child’s accomplishments, or stay to find resolution to additional issues. Rather than creating tension for the teacher and waiting parents, set up a follow-up phone call or meeting.

4. Solve problems by focusing on solutions. If you’re dealing with an ongoing problem, follow these steps: a. Listen to the teachers concerns. b. Talk about your concerns. c. Together, come up with a list of ideas that would help to solve the problem. d. Agree on a plan of action. e. Set a specific date to evaluate progress or adjust the plan. If possible, include your child in the problem solving session. Kids enjoy following through on plans they help put in place.

5. Make specific requests, such as, “Would you be willing to move Ella’s seat to the front row, so she can see the board more clearly?” It’s easier for a teacher to be helpful, when you are specific about your child’s needs. If your request is declined, discuss what other ways your child’s needs can be met. The best solutions aren’t always the first ones we come up with.

6. Communicate with respect to gain respect. Suppose you are angry over a teacher’s actions. If you begin accusing, forcing, and condemning, you may or may not bully the teacher into complying, but you’ve lost either way. Be assertive, not aggressive. Instead of attacking the teacher, attack the problem. A mom shared this story with me. She said, “Ben’s teacher made comments in front of the class, about his forgetfulness, including calling him ‘the absentminded professor.’ Ben was embarrassed and felt worse about himself and his ability to remember things every time she did it. At conferences I described the problem without attacking the teacher. I was relieved to see how eager his teacher was to be helpful. She even thanked me for bringing it to her attention. A few days later, Ben thanked me, saying things had gotten a lot better at school since conferences.”

7. Take notes. Conferences can be frantic, especially in the higher grades when you meet with multiple teachers. It can be hard to keep it all straight. Jot down teacher contact information, and any suggestions.

8. Check your self esteem at the door. I waited in line to talk with my son’s high school math teacher who said, “You son is a stellar student. That’s all I have to say.” I floated away from his table on a cloud. Next, I met the science teacher. She said, “Your son is disorganized, constantly late for class and behind in his project.” I went from floating to sinking. I had to remind myself, “This isn’t about me. It’s about being helpful to my child.” Keep your self-esteem high by not linking it to your child’s performance.

9. Don’t spiral down the tunnel of negativity. You’ll suck the teacher down with you and your child will suffer. When you sit down at conferences, resist the urge to purge your complaints about your kid’s poor manners and messy bedroom. Give the teacher insights into your child’s passions or interests. What you focus on grows. While you need to be aware of negative behaviors, your energy is best spent focusing on what your child is doing right. Inspire faith, possibility, and the potential for growth. Improvement is a process. It doesn’t happen all at once. Instead of expecting perfection, point your child in a positive direction, by focusing on what’s going right. Encourage your child’s teacher to do the same.

10. Teachers are people. When my youngest was in first grade, he used to think his teachers lived at the school. He thought their bedrooms were in the teacher’s lounge. Sometimes parents also forget that teachers are real people, with their own personalities, temperaments and styles. Rather than criticizing one teacher for being less spontaneous or more reserved, than another, consider the value your child gains from learning to interact with each teacher’s unique qualities. Look for the best in what a teacher has to offer, and you’ll find it.

11. End the meeting by summing up what was said. Include any specific action steps you’ve agreed upon, and confirm any follow up that may be needed. Clarity relieves confusion.

12. Give appreciation. Teaching is a challenging job. After conferences write a letter or email specifically describing what you appreciate about the teacher. Your positive feedback is energizing and sets the tone for a more positive educational experience for your kids.



Marilyn Suttle presents parenting and work/life communication keynotes and workshops for corporations and associations. To receive her FREE e-newsletter: Life in Balance: Thriving Kids/Thriving Parents, visit: www.SuttleOnline.NET, or reach her directly at 1-248-348-1023